06 Mar 2014 19:44:37

I'm no Timalloy or Wee Pat so sorry folks but I'm sitting here bored out my t**s on backshift and came up with this.

Following the collapse of their desperate "state aid" campaign, the rabid and Celtic obsessed followers of Scotland's newest club on hearing about Anthony Stokes upcoming court appearance for assaulting an Elvis impersonator are looking into where Stokes was on the night Elvis died in 1977.

Unelected spokesman for the Sons of Struth Rowing Club (Gourock Branch), Bile McMurder said today

"We have always suspected collusion between Glasgow City Council and Mr Presley regarding the purchase of Graceland and we (Ur ra peepul) have been told that Colonel Tom Parker and a Mr Peter Lawell are both members of the same Opus Dei lodge in Dunreath, Pollokshields, a well known hotbed of terrorist sympathisers.

Presley visited Scotland in 1960 and there has been no explanation why. Our good Queen adoring brothers have discovered that it's no coincidence that Celtic won the European Cup only 7 years AFTER Presley's Scottish visit, we have uncovered Presley used his fame and power to make sure the papish ba... I mean Celtic would win in '67. As a thank you for this Celtic approached the Parkhead Credit Union to give Elvis a favourable interest rate on borrowing to buy Graceland.

Whether Presley chose the name Graceland as a nod to Grace Eveleen Gifford who married Joseph Plunkett in 1916 is not clear but has been suggested by The Mighty Rangers stalwart and bus driver Limmy Bell.

There were fears over Elvis lifestyle and JFK told Peter Lawwell at an IRA fundraiser in or around 1975 that Presley had let it slip to a Miss Monroe about the European Cup carve-up.

We are hoping to send someone to Graceland to check for any fingerprints left over by the Unseen Fenian Hand or Mr Stokes, who is not British by the way and has been spotted shopping in a Co-Op where he was given a FREE carrier bag!

So was Stokes actually buying burgers, peanut butter, bannanas and other junk food from the Co-Op before flying to America to silence Elvis Presley?

{Ed007's Note - You've got far too much time on your hands Che but if you're at work that makes you a paid writer.}

1.) 06 Mar 2014
Lucky he doesn't work for me, I would be waiting
for his time sheet to come in then sack
the lazy git.

Tony Bhoy

2.) 06 Mar 2014
06 Mar 2014 21:28:25
@ Che it looks like "you are lonesome tonight" hope you are not "crying in the chapel" or being "harum scarum" please "don't be cruel" because "good time Charlie's got the blues" and the sevco fans say about Sally "he'll have to go" they all keep singing "make the world go away" as it is "a mess of blues" down Govan way they are all "kissing cousins" and it could be "the last farewell"
But "I just can't help believing" that "it's Carnival time again" when the sequel to Admin 1 comes along.
So from me to you Che .
LET ME BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR.
Ps sorry ED007 I am bored also!

3.) 07 Mar 2014
So bad bhoys it's nearly good. Nearly.

4.) 07 Mar 2014
It's a perk of being married to the bosses daughter Tonybhoy. I alternate with my brother in law between backshift and nightshift while my father in law just covers the dayshift. It's mostly just paperwork and making sure the work gets done and if you have a good bunch of workers it helps things run a lot smoother, as you'll know.

Thanks for the invite Timalloy but I just can't be a teddy bear, don't they eventually all turn into zombies?

Hail, hail.