Celtic Banter Archive September 03 2011

03 Sep 2011 22:06:16
here ed ah wiz in an irish bar the othir nite n a wee sellik guy sittin in the coarnir siipin hiz guiniss, when the door opuns n 3 currints walk in ,iz they try hard tae annoy him the furst wan walks owir n says ah think wee lennys a homo ?the wee guy says mibbee aye mibee naw,
the next wan says ah think wee lenny iz atanny n a homo?
the wee man says mibbee aye mibbee naw!,
the turd wan says watch this,
"ah think yir wee lenny iz a RANGURS SUPPORTIR?
the wee man says aye yir mates wur sayin the same thing,drinks hiz pint n walks oot,
possopat {Ed007's Note - Mibbee aye mibbee naw? Was it Kenny Dalglish? He used to like a pint in Bairds before his press conferences!}

03 Sep 2011 20:25:45
here ed ma pal jist came bak fae the doakturs face iz long iz a tax return ah sade boaby( naw thats hiz name iz he wiz a bit ae ah dick it skool) whits wrang sun "he says bad news pat .
ah sade tae hum doaktur ahv goat abit a lettucce stikin oot ma arse whits that aw aboot?
he sade sorry pat thats jist the tip ae the iceberg?
thats no aw ed ah went ootside n walked intae a bra
here ed enuff ae the anti-sally jokes,he wiz herd dun bae wen he wiz a wean no the best lookin wean shall we say,ah remembur oan the no 54 bus tae posso wen wee sallys maw came bak wae teers in hur eyes, ah sade whuts up mrs mcmoist, she sade that big celtic suppoartur jist sade "thet weans fkin ugly! ah sade
" here hen ahl haud yir munkee you go n noak fk oot um!,
anywaey gaun bak tae the cop shop tae get urrestit wae the munkee ma cop caur stoaps it the lites when we see acrose the rode a ford wae 2 cullered guys huvin a dance in the bak n, gaun mental , so the sarge says intae the radio ..................
" ZULU ZULU,foxtrot sierra, ah thote whit the fk?
here ed see that mr sheen ah wulnae here ah bad wurd sade aganste um,speshully up ma beek,hee haw here vera pass us that toilit duk,naw its no rymin slang

03 Sep 2011 19:14:08
here ed ah wiz stoapd in socky hi,saukie,sookieho,
ah wiz walkin doon hope st rite n this auld burd waea klipbored sade "kin ye spere a minute fur cancur reserch,
ah sade here hing oan hen yir no gonnae operate ur ye,?
listun ma boays it paeys tae pie attenshun tae yir pertnur iz ah fun oot last nite, (ye no aw the usual stuff "whits ma favo perfume,( pish) color ae ma eye ( blak,whits ma favo shoo,10) when she sade tae me ,pat whits ma favo flowir?
( ah went fkinel??????????
self raisin hen??
well that wiz it aw hell broke loose {Ed007's Note - ;-)

03 Sep 2011 19:01:39
av hid bad times tae ed ,ah meen ma da's dyin wish wiz tae huv aw hiz fameily roon hum,me well ah wid huv hid an oxygin boatul,
hey ed ma auld mans favo sayin wiz "frank(ah no ah no)
sleepin wae prostitutes is like makin yir kat dance wae ye oan its hind legs,
then convincing yersell its enjoyin it"
that ayewaeys tugged the wee hert strings
it wiz ah hard life growin up in posso ed ma maws iranian n' ma da's irish,we usedtae spaend hauf wur fkn hoalidaes in custums,
well ed thats me joe the toff noo sun,here listun see last nite ah wiz up tae nae good rite ,nikst thing the cops ur chasin me wae a big fkn dug tae,so a ran thru a tunnil, jumpt oan a see-saw jumpt owir a pool,then thru a hoop a fire,n fk me it wiz brillyunt it thaem,ye see thur traned fur it,,hey see wen a wiz gettin led away (no astray) they took me intae posso kop shop(its like top shop,bit wae mer choise) ah sees this door thit says .
"THIS DOOR IS ALARMED"
NO AS MUCH IZ FKN ME AHL TELL YE {Ed007's Note - Goodnight Pat, take care mate.}

Pat, Glad youre a Celtic fan, these pages would be soooooooooooooooo boring without you, just like the gers ones are EVERY day. LOL Timalloy

03 Sep 2011 18:35:09
here ed wit dae ye think aboot smackin yir weans ah no its a touchy subjikt eh,
well see me ah wiz nevur smacked as awean ............................
well mibbee a gram ur two tae get me aff tae sleep,
hey n ah didnae turn oot too bad did ah,
pp

Pat was that at "Gram ma's" house LOL timalloy (ps you set them up and i will fire them back ha ha)

03 Sep 2011 18:00:50
why should we support scotland, this is the sfa's team f**k the sfa

I support Scotland because I'm Scottish.

And SFA's team or not, last time I checked the country wasn't forcefully making us support them so I'm sure the national team and its management and PR teams will sleep easy without your support.

03 Sep 2011 17:02:25
Classic old Scotland, I actually put a £10er on the draw at H.T just knew that we'd do the same old classic scotland!! It is OVER, NO if or buts they're out now for sure. One positive thing on a Celtic note Brown had a good game, I have'nt seen him play like that for us all season. C'mon Broony forget ur personal f*n shopper and play like a celtic captain should do!! {Ed007's Note - There are loads of players use personal shoppers to pick their clothes etc. It's just really like your wife buying you a new shirt for a night out. It saves players traipsing about town centres etc and stops them buying horrendous clobber!}

Here big chap av goat wan ae them tae, naw stoap a minute its apersunal shopliftur,
well ias kinda the same thing intit,
kinda?,sort ov,posobilly (here that sounds like ma wee unkul possobilly)bit its no,
3 suits fur 2 munkees, lets no stert aw that agane,
3 gents suits fur £200

Diz big moniepinnie dae yours then,so whit diz she get ye?like stuff fur the weekend n that if ye catch ma drift
here ed vera wiz askin if she cood huv a bath in yir fish pond agane as its a year noo since the last wan? pleeze,sheez honkin,pretty pleezn any fish thit she either kills ur eats a wull replace thum promo ed think ae the envirunmint {Ed007's Note - No, she made the fish smell terrible the last time.}

Hey theez suits are so fresh the puntirs ur still weerin thum,roll up roll up,naw no you wee tim ye still huvnae payed me fur the last loat,ah dont care whos nockin the door,awrite awrite !! ahl tell ye whit ahl dae timmy ma sun ahl gie ye the same deel thit ah gave big murro hauf price, "whit,aye a no hiz wur shorts aye ah no n' whit,whit,aw gtf ya wee midden"
our motto is "posso fleeto are on thur feeto>,awrite youz cum up wae sumfin then smert arsis
opun 24/7
eksept weekends,n,nites
n'sum mournins tae bit it depends
call me oan 01419991888
bit no nou rite

Pat, true story, there used to be a wee ned round where I used to live, and he would come round the doors and take orders at to what to shoplift! Ps not seen him around in a while think he is living in a big hoose now LOL timalloy

Aye bit ye stull et thum! {Ed007's Note - Well it was a Friday :-)

Here this wee midden came tae veras door n says
"hey vera, (they aw col hur that) kin ah take rovur fur walkies ?"
vera says " did ye no here son,rovurs hid hiz legs ampoo...amputet...cut aff ?
"kin ah take hum fur draggies then?

03 Sep 2011 16:48:10
{Ed007's Note - We now have a site for any wrestling fans out there. It has just started today, as usual, everyone is very welcome on it:

www.talk-wrestling.com/

Rustlin?how much ur they ?the sheep ah meen n how many kin they get iz ma pals goat abutchurs in ... yep posso main st aliarse sarry st ,pp bfn.gtf

Pat did you hear about the cowboy who rode into dodge city wearing brown paper trousers, brown paper shirt and brown paper waistcoat, the sheriff arrested him for RUSTLING LOL timalloy

03 Sep 2011 15:58:54
Hi ed. After last year I couldnt give a shxt if rangers folded. If the shoe was on the other foot this page would befull of them donkeys laughing at us. No point in me saying I would hate to see them fold that would be only lying. It mighten be good for us but I could live with that if they were wipe out. Am tired of the whole old firm thing last year was a joke. I'd love to see us be move to another league. P.s good job Diego Forlan has left Madrid... Bigirishmac. {Ed007's Note - I can fully understand CFC fans feeling that way BIM, I think we all feel the same to an extent. I don't think Rangers will ever go out of existence, but it is good to see them squirming. Like you say, if the shoe was on the other foot, the majority of Rangers fans would be rejoicing and gloating. Atletico did buy Falcao though}

But ed they did sell Aguero.MACCA {Ed007's Note - And De Gea to Utd MACCA, but they are still a quality side. Wait till you see Yann M'Vila from Rennes as well, and even though Udinese sold Sanchez, they are still a good team. Let's just enjoy the matches and see how things go.}

Totally agree ed about being very good teams,but great teams have came to paradise and we have beaten them,just hope the atmosphere is better than the Sion game,and that our big match players see this as a chance to prove they can compete with these quality teams.MACCA {Ed007's Note - I'm not running down our chances MACCA, just looking forward to it. I've always enjoyed the 'big' European nights over the years and have seen some world class players and teams, as well as CFC performances at CP. Let's just enjoy that we are in it and anything we get from here on in is a bonus. I'm sure the atmosphere will be there, the fans always rise to the occasion when it is big teams visiting. As you say, we need our players to seize this chance and prove that they can offer a challenge at this level. ILWT HH}

Ed i wasnt having a pop mate,i didnt think for a minute you would belittle Celtics chances,i was just implying im optimistic,are we good now?LOL MACCA {Ed007's Note - Of course MACCA lol. I think we are looking at it the same way, let's just see what happens and enjoy it.}

Were still winning league titles but {Ed007's Note - But what??}

03 Sep 2011 14:31:17
Ed007, here are some Glesca jokes, ala wee pat.

Did you hear that the Glasgow Siamese Twins have written an autobiography called "OOR WULLIE"

BBC Scotland have resurrected a new series based on an old classic, the series features the big queue for toilets at Central Station, it is to be called
THE AW NEEDIN LINE!

Did you hear about wee glasgow guy (still not pat)
who enjoyed licking bricks and cement?
HE'S AWA' NOO!
Timalloy {Ed007's Note - Poor, very poor.}

03 Sep 2011 13:00:58
just been reading some of the posts from some of the moronic short sighted a55holes who call themselves Celtic fans on here taking great pleasure in the plight of Rangers.

some of you lot think it would be great if rangers wound up, when your club was in peril in the early 90s i took no pleasure in your state i not only feared for your club i feared for my own club as without Celtic we are nothing and vice versa. my fear for your club was not for any great love for it because if im completely honest i hate Celtic always have and always will i tell ppl i support Rangers and anyone who plays Celtic.
im not so short sighted that i cannot see Glasgow Rangers and Scottish Football Need a strong Celtic we have a symbiotic relationship (otherwise we feed of each other) Celtic might not need the gate money collected when you play Rangers but every other club in the SPL rely on this money 3 or 4 times a season.

without this they would fold or at best the standard of football in Scotland would fall even more if that's possible. i know not all Celtic fans are so short-sighted and i also realise that we have a section of halfwits who would love to see Celtic disappear into the history books but my message to you is the same to them

BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Tony {Ed007's Note - I have stated before Tony, CFC and Rangers need each other more than a lot of fans will believe, in financial income terms we come as a package (the dual shirt sponsors is a prime example). But for every Rangers fan that saw this when CFC were in meltdown, there were 10 that were gloating over it. Remember the hearse outside Celtic Park in the press? Rangers have absolutely nobody to blame for their predicament than themselves, just as the old CFC board had to shoulder responsibility for their mess. The Rangers fans were warned constantly about the take over and subsequent turmoil but refused to accept it, even now some are in complete denial regarding the situation.}

I know we only have our selves to blame Ed but those Rangers fans who took pleasure in Celtics problems in the early 90s need to look at our own club now and realise that what goes around comes around but what gets me is these idiots that cant see how much each club needs one another dont these Celtic fans im referring to not realise that Rangers might be in financial trouble now but if they folded how long do you think it would be before Celtic found themselves in financial turmoil. no tv money poor sponsor ship deals dwindling support due to the fact you would have won the League by Xmas i always say i like a strong secure Celtic just not as strong and secure as Rangers.


Tony {Ed007's Note - If Rangers ever faced a points deduction it would turn our league into a farce for that season.}

Hey Tony, see you are back as angry as ever, and as usual only looking through blue tinted glasses, Rangers (ok the old board) caused all the tax mess, but it still has to be dealt with, this blaming HMRC for leaks, is just a way of confusing the issue. Same as last year blaming F.A.R.E. for Rangers fans singing or Manchester police for the riots, in every single case it was of RANGERS own making Timalloy
PS did you see post on gers site unnamed as usual, calling me a bigot for using the word "tim" oh dear I AM bad!

What the fu*k are on about Tim if you took the time to read my post you will see i blame no one except Rangers for the mess we are in and dont mention the blame game to me M8 take a look at some of the posts on these pages over the past year it was everyone from the refs the sfa to the moronic a55holes who targeted Niel Lennon that caused you to lose the League not the fact that you were not good enough the very same team with a few additions have got convincingly beaten by Sion and droped 3 points to St Johnston at park head they have started this season the way they ended last season.

Tony

Tony, PEACE here is a wee joke to welcome you back on Celtic pages LOL
Wee Glasgow guy (NOT pat) is getting married and decides to hire a kilt, on hearing this his pal asks "what's the tartan" he replies "oh she is wearing a white dress" Timalloy

03 Sep 2011 11:58:27
just reading why Sion had a transfer ban put on them in 2009 the were found guilty of inducing a player to break his contract is that not what Barca did with fabergas and has sir Alex Ferguson not done that his whole managerial career

Tony {Ed007's Note - That is with young players that haven't signed professional contracts with their club, like Islam Feruz and Chelsea.}

03 Sep 2011 11:50:20
Do you really think i was serious saying jim whyte was a celtic fan !! Cmon lads that was a joke

Skinnybhoy

We no big chap we no

03 Sep 2011 01:00:18
. . . . . . . . /¯/)
. . . . . . . ./¯ ./
. . . . . . . /. . / THIS IS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE
. . . . /¯'/'. .'/¯¯/ WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE
. . . /'/. /. . /. . /. /¯ IS TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE MISERABLE!
. . .('(. . . . . .¯/'. . '). TAKE ME AS YOU FIND ME IF U DONT LIKE ME THEN DO ONE,,,,,,,, hail hail Big Bhoy

Whit big chap?

Is it jist me ur diz that look like embra casul when yir lyin oan yir bak,
naw its jist me ah no

03 Sep 2011 00:09:04
ed rangers fan in piece congratulations on being in Europe but do you really think it is right for yous to be in Europe when use were beat fair and square of Sion a know they broke the rules but yous just got in so easey wee got beat and that's it wee maby played better then maribor but at the end of the day they scored the goals wee didn't so that's it but why should it be any different with yous {Ed007's Note - Basically although I would have preferred CFC to beat Sion (as would UEFA) the knowingly broke the rules and have to face the consequences. There will always be the question of merit, but rules are rules. I actually fail to see why any of the blame for this is being placed at CFC, we done nothing wrong so why are the club being pilloried over this? I would have liked to see Rangers fans reaction if Malmo had done anything of this magnitude, this is a very serious breach of UEFA/FIFA stature that either way could have serious ramifications throughout football.}

Rangers fan - you said Celtic got beat fair and square. No we did not, this is the whole point, Sion broke the rules and have been punished accordingly.

Yes a know they broke the rules but they still beat you fair and square a just think if they broke the rules but still beat yous both shouldn't be in Europe so anyway they have made there decision now so good luck to yous and have a nice day {Ed007's Note - How can you break rules and win fair and square? That doesn't make sense mate, really.}

So didnt thay beat you 3 1 or was i just dreaming {Ed007's Note - No, that was real, but some of their players shouldn't have been playing!! They knowingly broke the rules, that my friend is not fair and square, that is cheating, that is why they have been expelled from the tournament and CFC have been reinstated. What part of this are you not understanding? It really is quite simple, they broke the rules, not CFC, Sion knew they were breaking the rules and got punished. It really is quite straight forward.}

Alright ed good luck anyway have a nice day

Ed do you think if Celtic had broke the rules in the same way,Rangers fans would be saying Celtic won fair and square,somehow i think not,and Ed do you think it would be wise for NL to try and get a couple of decent free agents with the amount of games we will be playing now.ie injuries,bans,etc.MACCA {Ed007's Note - I would surprised if there were any more additions to the squad MACCA.}

Uefa Knew they were going to play these players before hand why didnt they kick them out then and give another team their place or why not boot them out after the first game i think they took it for granted Celtic would beat them and save them a headache but they didnt realise how Poor Scottish football is and teams like Sion,Malmo,Maribor are more than capable of Pumping the OF